My father. He's 82 years old. He's still a man of few words but more emotional than I've witnessed my whole life. He occasionally shares stories from his life and his fears of the future. I'm here for all of it.
This past week, my dad accompanied me on one of my speaking engagement near Rocky Mountain National Park. I asked him to come so that we can keep making up for lost time...so that I could hear more stories of his life and that we could simply do a road trip together. Because it's not lost on me that we don't have many road trips together. My hope is to take him to 10 National Parks...and this is #5.
However few or many, I'm just trying to enjoy this time together of showing him national parks, mountains and lakes, go on short hikes, catch fish, and eat together - even in mostly complete silence.
Friends, I don't pretend to know your wounds and stories with your parents but don't wait too long to reach out, call and visit, spend time, forgive, ask for forgiveness, reconcile, eat meals, and go on trips together with then. One day, every one of us will breathe our last physical breath...and these opportunities will be no longer.
I love you, Dad. Sorry that my fish was larger than your fish.
I will never be able to intimately understand the uphill plight of my sisters and colleagues in pastoral ministry. I so admire and respect their courage, faith, and tenacity to keep saying YES to their calling and their Lord.
As such, it's become a personal conviction to do my small part to honor, support, empower, and make way for women in leadership and pastoral ministry....because we can't be the whole church on mission for the whole Gospel without the presence, gifts, and leadership of both men and women.
Oh, and what fruit and blessing to be on mission together for the whole Gospel! These five have been an incredible blessing in my life, for our church @seattlequest, and our city and beyond. Much love to (left to right): Rev. Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil, Rev. Gail Song Bantun, Rev. Katey Hage, Pastor Ruby Varghese, and Rev. Dr. Liz Mosbo Verhage. #deeperatquest #FabFireFiveOfQuest
Lol. My smartphone camera (pixel 2) has a portrait mode and it sometimes blurs out people in the background like this first picture where our kids are gone. Sorry kids!
It's funny but also a glimpse of our future. And this is a follow up from my previous post about enjoying our kids and family. While that's certainly true, Minhee and I are very aware that we're just three years from being empty-nesters. Three years to...FREEDOM (imagine Braveheart voice here). It's both incredibly uncomfortable and exciting. Uncomfortable because we've only known life with kids living with us for the past 21 years and we grieve the process of releasing our children...and exciting because we get to experience life and marriage without our kids in a new season of life. No more rides, sporting events, dirty socks, reminders to floss or pick up your darn laundry, clean the dishes, etc.
Now, don't get me wrong: We love our kids and we'll miss them dearly but parenting is so much about sacrifice and it'll be good to be able to invest in US. We can't wait to party it up and hit Panera's and order the sandwich and soup combo. Lol. Just kidding and not really.
Actually, as a pastor (and Minhee as a licensed marriage therapist), we've seen many marriages struggle once the kids leave because once the kids leave...a couple realizes they don't have much to talk about. This happens sometimes because they've poured so much energy and time into their kids...that they've neglected themselves and each other. Minhee and I are far from perfect. We don't have this together...but we're aware of this danger and reality if we're not wise.
So, if you want to love your kids better and deeper, the best investment is in one another and your marriage. And here lies the biggest myth (and danger): We don't have to wait to be empty-nesters to invest in ourselves...in US. We can do it now. We HAVE to do it now. Don't wait, friends. Do it now. That's what I'm learning to do now because like it or not, ready or not, it'll just be us. Thank you, Minhee, for your love and patience.
May we experience His flourishing in the various seasons of our lives. Amen.
Time really does fly by. We now have two kids in college and we have three summers left with our youngest before he heads off. So each summer, our time together is so precious including this past week in Kona as I've been teaching in the mornings at YWAM.
I have to remind myself and of course our kids to really enjoy our time together. To be present. To be grateful and have perspective because we’ll never get them back.
Time. They are a blur. Please enjoy this time. Enjoy each other. Enjoy your child. Enjoy your children. Embrace this season – the highs and lows. Call upon God. Be gracious with one another. Bless one another. Be present and enjoy these days. It’s all a gift. Treasure it. Cherish it. All of it. "And over all things, love one another.” Another very significant lesson I've learned over the years speaks to the purpose of parenting. While there are many methods, tools, philosophies, and biblical principles to parenting, there is – in my opinion – only one purpose or destination.
OUR PURPOSE AS PARENTS IS TO EVENTUALLY…RELEASE THEM.
This is why it’s so emotional when you first drop off your child for the first time in preschool or kindergarten, and then again on the first days of middle school, high school, or college. It is a foreshadowing of our purpose as parents to ultimately, release them. As much as we want to hoard, protect, keep, board up, or lock up our kids, it contradicts the ultimate purpose that God has for us as parents: Our calling as parents is to love, nurture, protect, nourish, care, mentor, disciple, teach, correct, raise up, empower…but ultimately:
TO RELEASE. TO SEND OUT. TO SEND FORTH.
Fellow parents: As much as we want to cling on to our children – do so with wisdom and in fact, with discerning loose hands. Be mindful of the destination and purpose. Our children are not ours to keep for eternity. But in releasing them, ponder – even now – these important questions: What is it that we release them to? To whom do we release them? What is the direction, trajectory, mission, worldview, mindview, heartview?
That's where I'm at. Learning to let go. Learning to release.
My hoop dreams were crushed at the tender age of eight…when I realized I had no athletic talent! But it took until my 20s to realize I would not be a famous artist. I guess that’s part of being an adult – realizing the encouragement our parents gave us to follow our dreams was probably just a tad overblown. 🙂
i realized in my college years that my attempt to become a bonafide actor was for not when i wasn’t getting casted for anything as a theater major.
it’s called radball.
that looks scary to me.
Ha! Yeah, I just want to know how this was invented…extreme boredom?
For real, do you bike much? I’m sure there are some great spaces to bike around in Seattle, no? Cycling or Mt Biking can be relatively cheap and can work wonders for the calves (and Achilles) with a nice cyclical/low impact motion. Plus, this activity can turn into a hobby with all the ‘tinkering’ one can do to the bike.
Sorry, a passion for me…
Second cycling. Just got into it recently.
I would keep ballin….but if you really want to give it up then I would like to suggest rock climbing.
golfffff!!!!
by the way, be thankful that you had hops to begin with! I had hoop dreams too, but never had the hops (maxed out with a two-foot vertical)
golf is too expensive.
Ahh, the misguidedness of youth. Guitar-hero dreams are gone, though I can still play. Not sure the tour bus would make a good home for my 4 kids and baby on the way.
One thing I learned is that if it is a self-inspired dream, rather than a God-inspired dream, it’s likely to disappear.
My hoop dreams failed when I substituted humility for ego.
SLAMBALL!
Or Starcraft 2… but then you’d have to compete with millions of other Korean dudes.
Wow. That looks like so much fun.
buy some large pots and grow some gochu and ghenip to consume. =)
that actually sounds really peaceful.
You are an immensely talented person, P.E. You and your family are extremely deserving. Keep up the great work and may GOD’s face shine on you always!
you can dunk almost as nice as kevin mchale
Respectfully, the Hmong may love me, that’s fine, you tried that ‘what are you talking about’ and total love brother, but we should make sure the Union Teachers get sued for giving fraudlulent job evaluations while the public slaves for them to pay their pensions and health care. Yes, again, anyone may say I am just babbelling.
Cooking 🙂
In the fifth grade I knew I was destined for the NBA. I went to a camp where Charles Barkley talked to us. He told everyone to go to school and give up on being the next Michael Jordan. I was incredibly sad. Nothing like having Barkley crush your dreams.
That is a really cool picture of you. 😀
Dreams? Eh, I had too many that’s why I never achieved any of them.