In the past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of teaching at my church on dating, relationships, and marriage. Later, I’ll share with you some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my marriage but today, I want to share my top 10 wedding advice – both the preparation & day of the “event”. Marriage is biblical but the wedding industry is one of the most undiscussed idolatries of our society in my opinion. It’s so easy to get sucked in so here’s some advice to consider:
- Be the right person. This is so important and worth a post by itself in the future. No one is perfect but are you ready for the covenant of marriage? A healthy marriages involves a healthy you.
- Marry the right person. Notice I didn’t say the perfect person since they don’t exist but marry the right person for you. Marry your soul mate. Please. Do not compromise. Let me say it again…do not compromise. Don’t forget that there must be a resonance and convergence of Passion, Vision, and Mission. A healthy marriage involves a healthy partner.
- You can never be over-prepared. Read books. Prepare. Befriend married couples and ask them lots of questions. Take pre-marital counseling classes. Pray. Enter into your covenant with confidence but not arrogance.
- Don’t “play married” when you’re not married. You know what I mean, right? Don’t live together; sleep together; buy a house together; etc…until you are married. Please wait. It’s worth it.
- Investment of Time? Are you investing in producing a great wedding (one day) or building a great marriage (a lifetime)? Think about this carefully because the energy, time, and other resources that people invest into the production of a wedding is ridunkulous. Invest some of that energy in the building of your marriage.
- The Wedding isn’t a show. It’s a worship service and celebration of God’s covenant. Don’t do stuff to impress people but rather, make choices that are meaningful and reflect your devotion to God and your commitment to your spouse and family. Pray, sing, hymns, Scriptures, sermon, communion, vows…do it all and worship God.
- Do not go into DEBT to just put on a fancy party. In fact, just set a reasonable budget and don’t go over. This whole wedding industry is a sham. As I shared above, marriage is God’s gift and beautiful & biblical but the wedding industry is a rarely exposed idolatry in many cultures – including the Western world. The rings, dresses, tuxedos, location, food, and glitz are all peripheral to your vows, your worship, and your community of friends and family. Be good stewards. Dresses, rings, suits, flowers, dresses are blah blah blah in my opinion – why do we need to spend so much money on these things? They will all pass but some things won’t so make wise choices and I’d personally encourage folks to save funds for investments that will help you with your mutual Passion, Vision, and Mission.
- Honor your parents. The wedding isn’t just for you. It’s an opportunity to honor your guests, your family, but especially your parents. Carve out time during the actual wedding ceremony to speak heart to heart to your parents and let them know how much you appreciate them…as you “leave” your parents to join unto your spouse.
- Celebrate! It only happens once. So ENJOY and party!
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What would you add as #10? What advice about the wedding planning and service?
If you’re looking for photographers, the three [from Quest] I’ve worked with and highly recommend:
And an old photo to give you a good laugh. Some background to our wedding pic (before digital cameras!): I went to Korea a week before our wedding. My hair was fairly long and I had a quasi beard like I do today. When I went to visit Minhee at her home, my mother-in-law half-jokingly said,
“If you want to marry my daughter, immediately shave and cut your hair.”
She said she was joking but I didn’t believe her. I shaved the next morning and Minhee took me to a hair stylist and tried to make me look like one of those bad Korean drama actors.