Christian books that should NOT be published.

Is it ok to sometimes poke fun and laugh at ourselves? I hope so because if not, I’m in some big trouble. As in, I might get blacklisted by the Christian evangelical subculture.

In reponse to the question about the 10 Most Essential Christian Books, I received some fabulous and interesting suggestions. But I also started getting a list from people regarding the most anti-essential Christian books or in other words, books that should never be published so I’ve taken the liberty of listing some of them here.  And if you’re gonna get offended, I have two things to say:  1) It’s not my list or umm, it’s not all mine.  Don’t kill the messenger! and 2) Relax. It’s okay to make fun of ourselves sometimes. I hope.

If you want to laugh even more, check out 10 reasons why men shouldn’t be ordained.

I’ll share my list of essential book soon but for now, enjoy this list of the Christian Books that should NOT be Published from various commenters from this blog.  You folks are mean!

And dare I ask:

What would you add to the list?

Update: I’m adding the American Patriot’s Bible to this list.  The crazy thing is that it’s a real book unlike the list below.

  • Everyone Is Going To Hell Except Me – John MacArthur
  • There’s No ‘U’ in Ministry: A Woman’s Guide – Mark Driscoll
  • Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid – John Hagee
  • God’s Most Glorified When We’re Most Calvinified in Him – John Piper
  • Right Behind – a fresh set of Apocalyptic chronicles – Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins
  • Eugene Cho Hasn’t Published Squat so No One Can Even Make Fun of Him – by Eugene Cho
  • We Know Jesus Better Than You Do – The Vatican Curia
  • I’m Cool With Whatever (Featuring Enhanced Doodle Graphics) – Brian McLaren
  • This Book Looks Longer Than It Really Is – Rob Bell
  • God Wants You To Pay For My Airplane – Creflo Dollar
  • Where are the Women authors. – Nobody
  • 10 Keys To The 8 Steps To The 3 Paths To The 1 Way to God (TM) – Rick Warren
  • I Secretly Wish I Were the Pope: A Memoir – N.T. Wright
  • How to Smile – Joel Osteen
  • How to Fall in My Presence – Benny Hinn
  • Hippie Christianity for Ordinary Rednecks – Shane Claiborne
  • You Can Kiss Dating My Daughter Goodbye – Joshua Harris, Sr.
  • God is not Greeat by Christopher Hitchens.
  • Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church (without ever talking to ANY of them)–D. A. Carson
  • Jlefhksfb Ghaube Wihefbfb Erqnai (If You Can Read This, You’re Into Acts 2) – Kenneth Copeland
  • Sweatin’ to the Old Testament – TD Jakes
  • I’m Not Saying He’s A Heretic… But He Is: A Response to N.T. Wright’s Response to John Piper’s Response to N.T. Wright
  • The Beginner’s Guide to Chekovian-Socratic, Marxist-Gadamerean, Prophetic Christianity – Cornel West
  • People Won’t Read This But Will Claim To Have – C.S. Lewis
  • “Yep, Here’s Another One” by Max Lucado

Seriously, I think I’m going to get in trouble…

182 Replies to “Christian books that should NOT be published.”

  1. How about – It’s Only a Tattoo and Other Myths Teens Believe by Ron Luce! Ahh, so inspiring. Want to have a copy for my son, when he’s of age.

  2. How to Smile- Joel Osteen

    An Idiots Guide To the Catholic Church: Written By Idiots- John Hagee and Jack Chick

    God’s Investment Plan, We Con You Out Of Your Money and You Think Your Being Bless- DayStar Program

    I Think I’m Nostradomus- Pat Robertson

    How To Cover Up Crime- Cardinal Mahony (I’m Catholic I can say that)

  3. The Gospel According to Jack Bauer- A Collaborative Effort by FREAKING EVERYONE

    How to be a Real Man: A Guide to Kicking Your Own Ass- Mark Driscoll [indebted to the you should check it out, it’s hilarious]

    Hair to the Heavens- Lady with pink hair on TBN

    Biblical Overcompensation- John MacArthur

    I Secretly Wish I Were the Pope: A Memoir- N.T. Wright

    Circlejerk: The Chronicles of Formation of the Biblical Council on Manhood and Womanhood- The Board

    p.s.- Thanks Eugene for this. I suddenly feel much better about myself 😉

  4. BW, huh?

    Or is it BW3???

    I think I’ve found your secret comedian. At any rate, we might add:

    Why Socio-Rhetorical Commentaries Answer Everything: A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary on Socio-Rhetorical Commentaries, by Ben Witherington III.

  5. These are funny! And, yes, it is totally okay to “make fun of ourselves sometime.”

    So, honestly, how would you make fun of yourself?

    Maybe other people have some ideas…

  6. Just to be clear, i am in no way, shape, or form making fun of myself here. i am clearly and unapologetically making fun of the people i named in my list. i anticipate the critique of my passive-aggressiveness, and accept it with lovingly open arms 🙂

  7. In a recent Mars Hill podcast, Rob Bell announced the title of his next book as ‘The Purpose-Driven Shack of Jabez’. That should sell!

  8. “How to Make Money by Writing a Book That Is Anti-Emergent Even If The Only People Who Will Care Are Those Who Already Are Anti-Emergent” from the authors of “Why We’re Not Emergent, by Two Guys Who Should Be”

    (had to add my two cents)

  9. So here are a few more I’ve stumbled upon…

    Sweatin’ to the Old Testament – TD Jakes
    How To Stay 5-Star in the Third World: A Guide for Travelers – Benny Hinn
    My Plan to Rule the Wor.. er.. God’s Plan for Your Life – Joel Osteen
    Jlefhksfb Ghaube Wihefbfb Erqnai (If You Can Read This, You’re Into Acts 2) – Kenneth Copeland

  10. the Creflo Dollar one is hilarious but it’s also true. I heard of another book by Creflo that will soon release :

    ” Cop-A-Dollar: The Secret of Ministry ” by Creflo A. Dollar

    I also think Rick Warren’s one is hilarious even though I somewhat like Rick. Anytime you see Rick on tv being interviewed he has a funny way of bouncing around with words or stories in answering the question.
    The John MacArthur one is also funny. But he too is coming out with a few other books as well :

    ” Knowing My Bible But Not Knowing God ” By John MacArthur

    ” How to Replace God with Your Bible ” by John MacArthur

    ” The Legalistic Driven Life ” by John MacArthur

    Yeah and you guessed it, Rob Bell is also coming out with a few as well :

    ” Too Cool for Jesus: How to Become a Joke ” by Rob Bell

  11. John Piper
    “I’m Not Saying He’s A Heretic… But He Is: A Response to N.T. Wright’s Response to John Piper’s Response to N.T. Wright”

    Mark Driscoll
    “Sissy boys, Women Preachers, Non-Calvinists, and People Who Dislike UFC: Essays on How to Tell Who Isn’t a Real Christian”

    John Ortberg
    “Pandering to American Feel-Good Entitlement: A Memoir”

    John MacArthur and/or D.A. Carson
    “Why You Don’t Need to Read Any Actuaul Postmodernists to Know They Are Wrong”

    Tim LaHay and Jerry Jenkins
    “I Never Thought It’d Be Me: The Diary of a Post-Tribber Who was Left Behind to Learn How Wrong He Was About Eschatology”

  12. “I’m not Jesus I Just Smell like Him” – Shane Claiborne

    “God and Natural Selection” – John Calvin

    “The Jesus I Never Knew…” – Joel Osteen

    “Every REAL Man’s Battle” – Mark Driscoll

    “Don’t Waste MY Life” – John Piper

    “Mild at Heart” – Everyone

  13. How bout:

    Simple Preaching for Simple People at a Simple Church- Reiner & Geiger
    Use the Force, A Commentary on Luke – Erwin McManus
    Water Painting by Numbers on the Feelings of Changing Postmodernism/Neorelevantism – Brian McLaren
    I Don’t Give a %#*@$ – Tony Campolo and Mark Driscoll
    The Leaky Faucet – Craig Gross
    Driscoll V. Bell – Randy Coture

  14. ‘ Dr ‘. James Willingham what was the purpose of your comment? Looks like all your bible knowledge and training hasn’t done you any good except turn you into some kind of religious/racist pharisee? The trouble with you is that the ‘brainy orientals’ you refer to were created by God, or the God you claim to believe in unless of course you’ve created your own god in your own image.
    Thanks for your comment. You’ve basically just exposed yourself and where your own heart is. It’s amazing how blogs can help us. Dr. James Willingham, I will remember that name.

    1. Wow. Judge much? Dr. Willingham is a seasoned believer (did you read his bio?) Saved in ’57. Pastor of 4 churches. Married for 35 years. To me that says he’s probably old enough to be my grandfather. Back in the day Asians were referred to as Orientals. I prefer to deal graciously with my elders and choose to believe that he used the term he grew up with, not because he is a racist, but because he has been too busy preaching the Word of Christ to keep up with our current culture’s need to be politically correct in word while maintaining racist undertones. Take the log out of your own eye “truth” before you speak ill of a messenger of the gospel…who is your brother.

    2. My mother used the term “Oriental” last year. She is 67. I told her we don’t use that term anymore. Her response “Oh, when did that change?” She is retired and hangs out with older people – she would be really embarrassed to be called a racist! Please be gentle.

  15. Can I play too? 🙂

    God Jump off a Cliff – John Eldredge

    The Beginner’s Guide to Chekovian-Socratic, Marxist-Gadamerean, Prophetic Christianity – Cornel West

    The Purpose Driven Marketing Plan – Rick Warren

  16. simply poking fun at people different than you.
    a joke of christianity.
    i’m offended not because i support the people you’re poking fun at, but because you’re supposed to love all brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of how you feel they’re wrong. not to be cheesy, but would Jesus come up with a list of “anti-essential christian books” about His children? i think not.

  17. Just stumbled on your blog from a link somebody posted in Imonk’s comments. Your list is awesome. The MacArthur title is hilarious, but also disturbing due to its accuracy.

  18. Great list, I also found this via Imonk’s comments…

    Book title: How to successfully blog and create a following on the Web spreading ideas without actually needing to meet real people

  19. “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (James)

    You might think this stuff is funny, but apparently God doesn’t. God is not amused when we mock His servants just because we disagree with them. You’d be farther ahead to pray for these guys if you think they’re wrong.

    1. Al,

      Don’t assume we (can’t speak for anyone on here) haven’t prayed for these who have been parodied. Also you shouldn’t assume that just because we list someone’s name that means we don’t like them or are mocking them. Sometimes we are just having fun with them based on their own stereotypes and patterns they fall into. For instance, Rick Warren talks about the grief he got over his “purpose-driven” Hawaiian shirts (he has since stopped wearing them). John Maxwell has been teased about this “Laws of…” and “Rules of..” titles. Mark Driscoll has talked about his title of “The Cussing Preacher” given to him by Don Miller.

      The scriptures say only God knows the heart of man, which includes the motives behind the comments here, so be careful when you begin to or even hint at judgment of others. Hopefully you are taking your own advice and praying for us here.

      BTW, I’m sure you know this, but just because someone claims to be a “servant of God” doesn’t mean they are.

    2. “Unbroken seriousness of a melodramatic or somber kind will inevitably communicate a sickness of soul”

      And this is from a pretty serious dude: John Piper

      I think this is good for us

  20. How about “When God Doesn’t Write Your Love Story” and “When Dreams Just Don’t Come True” by Eric and Leslie Ludy… they have altered the minds of so many young Christian girls into thinking that God will bring them the perfect man on a white unicorn when they are entirely focused on the Lord and it will be written in the clouds from the heavens that they are made for one another. Yet, then again, so many amazing Christian folk never marry.

  21. “Using the “Correct” Terminology: How to Be a Female Preacher, and still have favor with John Piper and Albert Mohler.” by Beth Moore

    “How to make Calvin a Baptist.” John Piper and Albert Mohler

    “How to Cash in Selling Dispensationalist End Times Videos, Books and Charts to Pentecostals and Charismatics, Even Though You Believe That They Are All Heretics Because Supernatural Gifts of the Spirit Ceased in 90 AD.” by Hal Lindsey

    “Where to Place Your Tattoos, Which Cuss Words are OK, When to Sing Cold Play Songs During Worship, and Other Questions You Might Have For Keeping Your Church Hip.” written by the pastors in the Relevant/Jesus Would Hang Out In Bars/Paul Was Hip at Mars Hill/Emerging/Mosaic Alliance of Churches that would never associate with a fundamentalist denomination

  22. “Translated by Atheists: The Truth Behind the TNIV”-John Piper, Wayne Grudem and John MacArthur

    “How to Make Evangelicals Fall In Love With a 50 Year Old Bible Translated Mostly by “Liberal” Scholars.” by J.I. Packer

  23. “Quotations From Lewis, Kierkegaard, Bonhoeffer, Tolstoy, Bono and Gandhi, That Ever Hip Young Evangelical Needs to Use to Show Your Hipness.” by Rob Bell

  24. The CS Lewis one is sad but true. I Really, Really wish that more people *had* actually read his work. “Screwtape Letters” for example is brilliant but people need to have brains and not read it Literally.

  25. “Dinosaurs Danced With David” by Ken Ham

    “The Flood: A Fabulous Fix-All” by Ken Ham

    “The Universe is Young and You’re Wrong” by Ken Ham

  26. I apologize for offending some of you. Apparently, I upset some because the list was mean-spirited, poked fun of leaders, didn’t satirize any women, and because I re-posted an old post. Lose-lose situation.

    1. Eugene— bless you for keeping it real. Please, please don’t be discouraged. Humor based on insights like yours is one of the best ways we, as followers of Christ, can maintain our humility, objectivity and sensitivity. To all the others who are pissed— I’m for sorry God is not small enough to fit into the little boxes we design with our theology.

  27. “Submerge: What to do After your Church has Emerged” Leonard Sweet

    “Emerging Grace: Using God’s Irresistible Grace to Grow your Church” Mark Driscoll

    “The Missional Position: and 21 Other ‘Intimacy Secrets’ of Emerging Couples” Alan and Debra Hirsch

    “How to Tell Who’s Going to Hell?” John Piper

    “How to Write your Own Ticket With God” Kenneth Copeland

    “The Pink Derivative: How to Blame Gays for the GFC and Everything Else Bad that Happens to the US” Pat Robertson

    “Still Not Missional: Why your Church Won’t Really be Missional Until you Read this Book” Michael Frost

    “The Dispensationalist Delusion: Or How I Learned to Wrongly Dividing the Word of Truth and Love Scripture more than Jesus” John MacArthur

  28. Those are priceless. John McArthur How about:

    1. “Fishing for Men Who Fly Fish” by Dan Whitmarsh,

    2. “The New, Reinvented, Rediscovered, New and Improved, Seeker Friendly, Postmodern, Conversant Church and Savior by the Authors of your choice

    3. The Screwball Tapes by I better not name anybody(I actually had a friend refer to the Screwtape Letters like this so it’s not too original).

    4. Hell Hath No Fury Because it Doesn’t Exist by Rob Bell

    5. Beloved, I’ve Got Greek all Figured Out by Beth Moore (BTW, I love Beth).

    6. Driscoll’s Complete Dictionary of Pulpit Profanity 2nd Edition

    7. How be a Leader Who is Lead by Me, the Expert on Leadership by John Maxwell

    8. The Care and Feeding of Parakeets and Other Christian Birds by Scot McKnight

    9. The Wiki Book of Bible Stories by Scot McKnight

    10. I’m in Trouble Again by Eugene Cho

    Thanks for sharing Eugene. We can laugh and love at the same time.

  29. Biblical Eisegesis: How to Read into the Bible for all it’s Worth.
    Gordon Fee and Doug Stuart (just not sure if they’d actually attach their names to the project.)

  30. Here is a real book, that probably should not have been published. And it is supposedly about Christianity

    My Absurd Religion (By Which I Make My Living) by Steve Gray.

  31. “This Time, It’s Real: A Guide to the Endtimes” by the Watchtower Society.

    “A Brief History of the American Indians” by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

  32. How to Tornado Proof Your House by John Piper

    He’s a Heretic, You’re a Heretic, Wouldn’t You Like to be a Heretic Too? by Ken Silva

    How to Start Your Own Denomination Without Really Calling It One by John MacArthur

    Wretched Man That I Am by Todd Friel

    How to Stop the Bully Pulpit by Rob Bell

  33. “Store up treasures in heaven: How to hedge your spiritual investment with Gold Dust Manifestations.” By Ruth Heflin (Published Posthumously)

    13 years……. too soon?

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