My biggest fear is waking up one morning and realize that I’m on my death bed. And as I reflect on my life, I have regrets about my family – particularly with my children. Or simply, that it all went by so quick – and I missed it.
There are days like today when I cannot believe how big my children are and how fast they are growing. Minhee and I feel so privileged to be the parents to our three children. And today, we celebrate our 2nd child’s birthday. TC turns eight years old today.
We obviously love all of our children but TC has a special place in our hearts because she was born at the lowest point of my life. We had left our previous church months ago with the conviction and call to plant a church but we had no idea how difficult the new year would be:
- I was unemployed and had been looking for work for several months
- we became financially broke
- the kids were on foods stamps and the WIC program
- I felt like a failure for letting down my wife and kids since I felt like I couldn’t provide for them
- the job I eventually got was working as a custodian at a retail store
- I had grown increasingly frustrated about not being able to get Quest Church off the ground
Mostly, I was angry because I had “lost” control over my life.
When TC was born, it was like a “miraculous” birth. She was born in about 4 minutes after Minhee laid on the hospital bed. There were no drugs, no epideral, and no doctor. She experienced sharp pain, pushed several times, and the next thing you know, the nurse and I – in panic and frenzy – saw the crown, then the body, and then Minhee and I cried like we’ve never cried before. We sensed God speaking to us so intimately:
I love you. I am with you. I have not forgotten you.
Enough of my existential ponderings and angst. No need to live in fear but to live in joy, contentment and to enjoy God and all of life’s blessings in the here and now.
Thank you God for the gift of our children. Minhee and I want to treasure, nurture, and enjoy them.
Happy Birthday TC!