My father. He's 82 years old. He's still a man of few words but more emotional than I've witnessed my whole life. He occasionally shares stories from his life and his fears of the future. I'm here for all of it.
This past week, my dad accompanied me on one of my speaking engagement near Rocky Mountain National Park. I asked him to come so that we can keep making up for lost time...so that I could hear more stories of his life and that we could simply do a road trip together. Because it's not lost on me that we don't have many road trips together. My hope is to take him to 10 National Parks...and this is #5.
However few or many, I'm just trying to enjoy this time together of showing him national parks, mountains and lakes, go on short hikes, catch fish, and eat together - even in mostly complete silence.
Friends, I don't pretend to know your wounds and stories with your parents but don't wait too long to reach out, call and visit, spend time, forgive, ask for forgiveness, reconcile, eat meals, and go on trips together with then. One day, every one of us will breathe our last physical breath...and these opportunities will be no longer.
I love you, Dad. Sorry that my fish was larger than your fish.
I will never be able to intimately understand the uphill plight of my sisters and colleagues in pastoral ministry. I so admire and respect their courage, faith, and tenacity to keep saying YES to their calling and their Lord.
As such, it's become a personal conviction to do my small part to honor, support, empower, and make way for women in leadership and pastoral ministry....because we can't be the whole church on mission for the whole Gospel without the presence, gifts, and leadership of both men and women.
Oh, and what fruit and blessing to be on mission together for the whole Gospel! These five have been an incredible blessing in my life, for our church @seattlequest, and our city and beyond. Much love to (left to right): Rev. Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil, Rev. Gail Song Bantun, Rev. Katey Hage, Pastor Ruby Varghese, and Rev. Dr. Liz Mosbo Verhage. #deeperatquest #FabFireFiveOfQuest
Lol. My smartphone camera (pixel 2) has a portrait mode and it sometimes blurs out people in the background like this first picture where our kids are gone. Sorry kids!
It's funny but also a glimpse of our future. And this is a follow up from my previous post about enjoying our kids and family. While that's certainly true, Minhee and I are very aware that we're just three years from being empty-nesters. Three years to...FREEDOM (imagine Braveheart voice here). It's both incredibly uncomfortable and exciting. Uncomfortable because we've only known life with kids living with us for the past 21 years and we grieve the process of releasing our children...and exciting because we get to experience life and marriage without our kids in a new season of life. No more rides, sporting events, dirty socks, reminders to floss or pick up your darn laundry, clean the dishes, etc.
Now, don't get me wrong: We love our kids and we'll miss them dearly but parenting is so much about sacrifice and it'll be good to be able to invest in US. We can't wait to party it up and hit Panera's and order the sandwich and soup combo. Lol. Just kidding and not really.
Actually, as a pastor (and Minhee as a licensed marriage therapist), we've seen many marriages struggle once the kids leave because once the kids leave...a couple realizes they don't have much to talk about. This happens sometimes because they've poured so much energy and time into their kids...that they've neglected themselves and each other. Minhee and I are far from perfect. We don't have this together...but we're aware of this danger and reality if we're not wise.
So, if you want to love your kids better and deeper, the best investment is in one another and your marriage. And here lies the biggest myth (and danger): We don't have to wait to be empty-nesters to invest in ourselves...in US. We can do it now. We HAVE to do it now. Don't wait, friends. Do it now. That's what I'm learning to do now because like it or not, ready or not, it'll just be us. Thank you, Minhee, for your love and patience.
May we experience His flourishing in the various seasons of our lives. Amen.
Time really does fly by. We now have two kids in college and we have three summers left with our youngest before he heads off. So each summer, our time together is so precious including this past week in Kona as I've been teaching in the mornings at YWAM.
I have to remind myself and of course our kids to really enjoy our time together. To be present. To be grateful and have perspective because we’ll never get them back.
Time. They are a blur. Please enjoy this time. Enjoy each other. Enjoy your child. Enjoy your children. Embrace this season – the highs and lows. Call upon God. Be gracious with one another. Bless one another. Be present and enjoy these days. It’s all a gift. Treasure it. Cherish it. All of it. "And over all things, love one another.” Another very significant lesson I've learned over the years speaks to the purpose of parenting. While there are many methods, tools, philosophies, and biblical principles to parenting, there is – in my opinion – only one purpose or destination.
OUR PURPOSE AS PARENTS IS TO EVENTUALLY…RELEASE THEM.
This is why it’s so emotional when you first drop off your child for the first time in preschool or kindergarten, and then again on the first days of middle school, high school, or college. It is a foreshadowing of our purpose as parents to ultimately, release them. As much as we want to hoard, protect, keep, board up, or lock up our kids, it contradicts the ultimate purpose that God has for us as parents: Our calling as parents is to love, nurture, protect, nourish, care, mentor, disciple, teach, correct, raise up, empower…but ultimately:
TO RELEASE. TO SEND OUT. TO SEND FORTH.
Fellow parents: As much as we want to cling on to our children – do so with wisdom and in fact, with discerning loose hands. Be mindful of the destination and purpose. Our children are not ours to keep for eternity. But in releasing them, ponder – even now –  these important questions: What is it that we release them to? To whom do we release them? What is the direction, trajectory, mission, worldview, mindview, heartview?
That's where I'm at. Learning to let go. Learning to release.
is that really a complete sentence? it reads weird.
Perhaps a rather simplistic presentation, one that some viewers might dismiss for not discussing a wide array of other factors. My first reaction was, “Yeah right.” If I hadn’t already done some research on it, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it.
But it’s actually true. The correlation between opportunities for women and economic stability is huge. One stat from the Girl Effect website: Women invest 90% of their income into their families, as opposed to 30-40% for men.
I stumbled upon another organization earlier this morning actually, called Kiva (www.kiva.org). They facilitate microlending opportunities in developing nations. Not surprisingly, the vast majority of individuals seeking loans were women.
That’s a pretty effective video. Davo is right to say it’s no surprise. One of the largest case studies of this of course is Muhammad Yunus’ work in Bangladesh with the Grameen Bank. I got to hear him speak the UW several years ago and the impact on Bangladesh through women becoming business and landowners was pretty striking. One interesting note from here: http://www.grameen-info.org/dialogue/dialogue37/action.html
is that the loan repayment rate for women given micro-loans was 99.4% in this study. Pretty impressive.
@Eugene: are you thinking about micro-credit as part of your new org?
Wow – moving video.
I did a research project in university studying the effects of literacy and education among women on their villages/society. Mostly in Northern Africa and having a lot to do with FGM (female circumcision). It’s amazing what a seemingly small difference to a handful of girls can do to a whole village, region.
I have heard of Kiva, but not Girl Effect.
@tyler: not sure. i was just c/p a short description on youtube.
@davo: kiva is fairly well known now. they even made it on oprah and supposedly the servers got knocked out with the response. i very much enjoy what they’re doing because they’re somehow able to connect the giver to the recipient, empower the individual, and lastly, you’re not really GIVING money but rather, LENDING, money and on their website, they reportedly have an a fairly incredible “success” rate in terms of money being returned.
@beattieblog: not really. its something that we’ll do but probably can’t afford to build the infrastructure do that. as you can imagine, d. richards is a big fan of microlending and sees that as one of the proven ways to systemically change the environment for global poverty. we might engage in microlending as a participant. what we’re envisioning really is granting funds to small NGOs that have a proven or growing effect on poverty in their local context. small NGOs that most people have not even heard of. that’s not necessarily new but how we hope to raise funds is new in the sense that we’re trying to use this thing call the global web 2.0 community. i’ll send you our vision letter and you can mail us a check for a million.
I confess to not being as well educated on this topic as those of you who have responded so far, but from my time in Africa, the thing that touched me and broke my heart was talking to the mothers that we met. They desperately wanted to see their children be whole and healthy. Ulitimately, to do this, their community must be healthly and stable. While there can be no doubt that men want this for their children, speaking as a mother, it is the the very core of of most mothers’ hearts. We are all fallen, men and women alike, but I believe that empowering women with the tools and support they need will make a world of difference (I know it’s cliche, but it’s true).
Very interesting topic.
I don’t have a vast knowledge on how the credit scheme works, but I think it would surely help women get more involved on politics.
In Brazil, there is a program for microbusiness funding, but, as far as I know, most investors are men. I suppose it would encourage more women to get involved if a specific program were developed for them… but that’s the kind of discussion that is not spread, focused or even wanted in society.
Pardon my poor English. 8- |
Shalom.
Tyler,
I think the quote is the definition of “the girl effect”, not intended to be a sentence.
I.e., The girl effect: (n) The powerful social and economic change brought about when girls have the opportunity to participate in their society.
the “educate the girls” campaign that our denomination (Evangelical Covenant) supports for girls in Congo is a similar attempt to address this very important injustice. thank you for sharing this video Eugene…i continue to read your blog and am excited to hear more about the development of your organization…
altough its a c/p from youtube, but i think its true an really great statement. just imagine there’s no girl, it would be not complete society. girl makes difference 🙂
just check my blog and see the difference.
http://1worldlove.blogspot.com
I think there’s a direct corrolation between how people are treated (i.e. women in this case) and how healthy an environment is.
Perhaps…you see some revolutionizing historical incidents have women’s names wirtten in golden below…for eg:Cleopatra,Mother Teresa,Marie Curie,Florence Nightingale,George Eliot,Princess Diana,Indira Gandhi,Sirimavo Bandarinayike,Hillary Clinton,Condolezza Rice,Aung San Suu Kyi…to name a few.
http://www.adherents.com/people/100_women.html#Influential
You may examine history for solid proofs in support of your claims,if you wish.
http://nirveda.wordpress.com
I don’t understand… Wouldn’t doing this for both boys and girls in developing countries have the same (if not greater) effect? Why can’t we do it for all children, regardless of gender? I feel like there are more problems than solutions in this video…
@Brad
You said, “Wouldn’t doing this for both boys and girls in developing countries have the same (if not greater) effect?” This is a great question, and I’m glad you brought it up. The question to assume that women have equal opportunities when it comes to education and economics in developing countries. However, this simply is not the case. Educational and economic opportunities for men far outweigh opportunities for women in many developing nations. So focusing on empowering women (as this organization promotes) would, at best, raise opportunities for women to the same level of men.
The reality is that harmful societal structures in a lot of countries (including the US) perpetuate gender inequality. This inequality causes instability. Empowering women wouldn’t put them above men (which assumes that women are already on equal grounds with men), rather it would raise women to the same level as men.
There are volumes of statistics showing a direct correlation between investing in/empowering women and increasing economic stability. If you’re interested in learning more, I know that http://www.care.org and http://www.oxfam.org have some good resources.
I’m not sure what I think about this, though I don’t doubt its veracity. In the US among Black communities, women actually have far greater educational opportunity than men and it has not led to stability at all. Rather, it has perpetuated a system wherein men can continue to be radically irresponsible and women can continue to shoulder more and more share of the burden.
hmm.. thank you very much. usefull information