Life has been full. There is rarely a dull day these days. But both in stillness and busyness, I’m amazed and humbled.
But over the past year, I’ve been feeling a sense of heaviness and burden in the midst of great amazement of God’s faithfulness and provision over my life.
It’s something I haven’t experienced before. In fact it’s really hard to describe but it’s a growing burden and heaviness that I’m just learning how to deal with.
What is it?
It’s the heaviness, pain, and at times, loneliness, of sensing that there are people that actually want you to fall and fail. Again, it’s hard to describe with words. I’m not certain if it’s jealousy, envy, uncertainty, or just simply animosity but it is difficult to grasp.
Some of it comes with the territory of being in leadership. But there’s a newer experience that is very foreign to me that has come along with the increase of my visibility and publicity in certain subcultures…
One way I’ve chosen to respond to the external scrutiny is to internally examine my heart. In the name of being “friendly”, I find it certainly easy to appear friendly or generous but beyond appearance, the big gut-check question I want to have the courage to ask myself is this:
Do I really want ______ to be blessed?
And by “to be blessed”, I mean…
Do I really want to see _____ prosper in the Lord?
It’s not just merely a desire to bless others but I’ve come to learn that in wanting to truly bless and love others, it’s one of the manners by which God liberates us to experience the freedom we have in His grace.
I loved this wisdom from Rev. Run of Run DMC:
There’s a very simple way to tell how great you’re doing. Just check the hate-o-meter.
So, do yourself a favor and check your hate-o-meter…