Eugene Cho

i messed up today…

It’s 12:36am right now.

I’m doing a little work and getting ready to hit the sack but also taking some time to reflect on the past day. It wasn’t one of my better days…

Today, I messed up.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I sucked as a father today.

In short,

I wasn’t present. I wasn’t fully here.

Today, I messed up.

I had a tough day and I brought it all home but  the kids showed me immense grace today. They listened to my excuses and embraced me.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and it’ll be a new day and another opportunity to live in God’s grace, hope, and love.

How about you? How was [is] your day?

I’m going to sleep, wake up, and live into this:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:21-23

Filed under: family

10 Responses

  1. Dear Eugene,
    My dad sucked as a father for the entirety of my childhood, and he didn’t ever acknowledge it. He’s spent the past 15 years trying to make up for it. You are lightyears ahead of where he was when I was a kid if you can admit it and accept their grace. and what great children you’ve raised that they extend it.

    My day has been hard. I am trying to continue to see God in where I’m at in life, but it’s not easy. I am clinging to him and unable to see him. When I get on the other side of this mountain, it’s gonna be awesome.

  2. Mike Worley says:

    Sometimes God’s grace is scene in the most unexpected areas in life….Oh how humbling it is to taste the Grace of the cross from those you are leading, especially one’s own kids.
    My dad was also a pastor growing up and unlike most PK’s I saw my Dad live a transparant life to his flock AND his family. Keep pressing Eugene for I vividly remember how my dad reacted in all those situations, as he lived out the Gospel….It’s those images that helped me grow up into Christ…..Keep pressing…..

  3. Jesse schroeder says:

    thanks so much for sharing this. This past week I had two really bad days and I hurt my family a lot. The recovery process is hard but it helps to know that other people struggle at times too. Thanks for your honesty and the verse. Its a good one I often forget.
    Blessings.

  4. Ann FR says:

    Thank you, Eugene, for reminding us that the journey is undertaken through the humility of love, confession, forgiveness and grace. What a gift your children have given you in letting go & giving grace & what a gift you’ve given your children in confessing & honoring the Lord!

    I recall my last conversation w/ my father before he died. The Holy Spirit enabled me to say to him, “Dad, I’ve been blessed to have you as my father.” He wept. He was a harsh father, a poor grandfather, and an awful husband. But, when I said those words, the grace of God poured through me in a flood, and I knew the message in every fiber of my being that God’s love is so powerful and victorious that God will indeed bless us through very imperfect people. If we’re waiting to be blessed only through perfect people, well…it’s just not going to happen. Confessing, giving grace and letting go of the messed-up-ness of ourselves & each other are integral to picking up our crosses & following Jesus each day. You’re a pastor of the Good Shepherd!

  5. Jin says:

    I had one of the worst days since coming to Seattle…. but i have such a wonderful wife that listens, understands, and reminds me of God’s grace in our life, and His plans for us. I woke up this morning a new person in so many ways, Man, that verse in Lamentations is so so so true. Thanks for sharing that.

  6. your friend says:

    We had severe flooding in this part of the world and through your sharing I was reminded to give grace to myself🙂 because I am usually hard on myself.

    I was tired and all spent because I carried five thousand litres of muddy water to the street (to prevent more flooding)

    And then I made a hate-speech: I hate this weather! I hate my back pain… You know that type of speech.

    It did not make me feel better, of course. Only God’s grace that I took in, after reading your blog.

    Thank you.

  7. Marty says:

    Fellowship is wonderful and God’s grace abundant. In reading the above responses, you are in God’s fellowship, the good the bad and sometimes ugly… God uses it all, sometimes to my own embarasement(pride)AND our children need to see what a heart felt appology looks like and what it’s like to minister… don’t you think?

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One Day’s Wages

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As I soaked in this breathtaking sunrise this morning above the clouds, I felt compelled to pray for so my places in America and around the world that are experiencing such pain, heartache, injustice, and violence. At times, it feels so overwhelming but in prayer, I was reminded of these words from John 16:33. As we keep striving, working, hoping, preaching, loving, truthtelling, reconciling, repenting, forgiving, dismantling, peacemaking, Kingdom building...may we fix our eyes on Christ: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 Grateful for a very full weekend of ministry and preaching in Toronto, Canada (GTA). Such a privilege to partner with @worldvisioncan @wvcollective to advocate for the most vulnerable around the world. God is so gracious. A true honor to meet and encourage local pastors, lecture at Tyndale University & Seminary (photo), and preach at Richmond Hills Community Church, Compass Point Bible Church, and New City Church. Thank you, Lord, that you use broken and imperfect people like me to speak of Your love. Today, Minhee and I dropped off our eldest child at her college. We have been thinking and praying about this day for many years. On some days, we hoped it would never come. On other days, we couldn't wait for it to come. On some days, we prayed for time to stop and other days, we prayed with anticipation. 
After an entire summer of laughing it off, it hit us...hard...this week. Seeing all of her stuff laid out on the basement floor was the catalyst to a load of emotions.

After unloading the car and taking her stuff to her new home for this year and mindful that she might never live with us again; helping sort out her stuff, saying hello to her roommates...I wasn't sure what to do or say.

A flood of thoughts rushed my mind.

Is she ready?
Have we done enough?
Have we taught her enough? 
What if this? What if that?

And so we shared what we have shared with her the moment she began to understand words: "Remember who you are. Remember WHO you belong to. Remember what you're about. God loves you so much. Please hold God's Word and His promises close and dear to your heart. We love you so much and we are so proud of you." And with that, we said goodbye. Even if she may not be thousands of miles away, this is a new chapter for her and even for us. I kept it composed. Her roommate was staring at me. I didn't want to be that father. I have street cred to uphold. Another final hug. 
And I came home.
And I wept.
Forget my street cred.
I miss her. I love her.
She will always be my little baby.

I'm no parenting guru. I just laughed as I wrote that line. No, I'm stumbling and bumbling along but I'd love to share an ephiphany I learned not that long ago. Coming to this realization was incredibly painful but simultaneously, liberating. To be honest, it was the ultimate game-changer in my understanding as a parent seeking after the heart of God.

While there are many methods, tools, philosophies, and biblical principles to parenting, there is – in my opinion – only one purpose or destination.

Our purpose as parents is to eventually…release them. Send forth. For His glory. Met a friend and fellow pastor who I haven't seen in over 20 years. In him, I saw a glimpse of my future. While only 10 years older, his kids are married and he's now a grandfather of 3. His love for his wife and family were so evident and his passion for the Gospel has not wavered. It was so good to see someone a bit older still passionately serving the Lord with such joy and faithfulness. Lord, help me to keep running the race for your Glory. Happy wife.
Happy life. - Eugenius 3:16

I still remember that time, many years ago, when Minhee was pregnant with our first child. She had left her family and friends in Korea just two years before. Her morning sickness was horrible and when she finally had an appetite, she craved her favorite Korean food from certain restaurants in her neighborhood in Seoul, Korea. I had no way of getting that food from those restaurants so I actually said, "How about a Whopper? Big Mac?" Sorry honey. Eat away. You deserve it. I don't care if it sounds mushy but sunsets are one of my love languages. Seoul, Korea was amazing but WOW...what a breathtaking welcome back sunset by Seattle. Not ready to let go of summer.

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