Someone sent me this email about 14 way to find a wife – Old Testament style. It’s brutal, funny, and a little scary. But just in case you don’t want to go Old Testament…a group of folks at Quest is sponsoring a unique fundraiser to benefit local charities: Christian Speed Dating. If you’re from Seattle and single, join the festivities. All the info on the bottom in case you’re interested. Here’s the 14 ways to find your wife via Old Testament style:
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. – (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
- Find a prostitute and marry her. – (Hosea 1:1-3)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. – Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. – Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
- Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.-Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. – Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
- Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife -David (I Samuel 18:27)
- Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
- Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. – Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a … woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” – Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
- Kill any husband and take his wife. -David (2 Samuel 11)
- Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. -Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
- Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. – Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
And now, here’s what you’ve been waiting for – Christian Speed Dating! Check it out and if accepted [since they only have 60 slots], it’ll guarantee you lots of First Dates.
WHAT: An inter-church speed-dating event & fundraiser
WHO: This event is for Christian singles, 25ish to 35ish in and around the Seattle area. Since seating is limited, invite is by *accepted application only* (see How below)
WHEN: Saturday, May 31st. Doors open at 6:30 – event starts PROMPTLY at 7:00
WHY: Three birds with one stone…
HOW MUCH: Entry fee for the event is $25 due on the night of the event (cash or check only, please).
HOW: We only have room for 60 participants and are hoping to accept a diverse group of singles from all churches throughout Seattle. Participants will be selected based on a combination of the following criteria: age, home church, and reason for attending. Apply online by Monday, May 12th here: http://tinyurl.com/4wn9df
1) To raise money for two local non-profits – Elderhealth Northwest (http://elderhealth.org) and Vision House (http://vision-house.org). Elderhealth is dedicated to enhancing the quality of life for frail elders and people with chronic or terminal illnesses and disabilities. The mission of Vision House is to dramatically change the lives of the homeless by providing housing and services, enabling our residents to avoid homelessness, poverty and abuse in the future.
2) We believe that inter-church events are vital to the health of the body of Christ, and we thought that a speed-dating event would be a fun way to encourage such interaction.
3) Well, let’s face it, there’s an epidemic of singles in our churches – we need to do something about this. ; )