Here’s another attempt by Christians to copycat the original…and it has produced Stuff Christians Like. And there are so many more out there but this one is actually pretty good. Here’s one of the recent entries from Stuff Christians Like: #189 [G]DTR as in Define the Relationship or better yet, Dissolve the Relationship.
You think Christians are timid when it comes to dating? Umm, they’re really awkward when it comes to breaking up or Dissolving the Relationship because they feel like they have to make it really Spiritual. Really awkward. Do you have more to contribute to the list below?
…Those are easy to understand, but the (G)DTR is much more confusing. Most relationships, Christian or not, have a Define The Relationship conversation. That is by no means a uniquely Christian thing to do. It’s that somewhat awkward talk where you try to determine where you are headed, what you are looking for, etc. But it gets all the more complicated when you bring G into it and create the (G)DTR.
The (G)DTR is more complicated than the standard DTR because now in addition to trying to understand your boyfriend’s needs you’ve brought the Creator of the universe into the mix. Now in addition to saying you don’t like that he is playing so much Grand Theft Auto 4 (came out today, that was wicked topical of me to mention it by the way) you have to factor in what Yahweh wants in the relationship. That’s why I have created this handy guide. It translates the things you most often hear in a (G)DTR and tells you what is really being said. Enjoy:
1. They say: “I need to unpack some things and reassess my boundaries.”
They mean: “I’ve secretly gone to counseling and learned some new words that are going to make your head hurt. I’m breaking up with you.”
2. They say: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God.”
They mean: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God and less time with you. I’m breaking up with you.”
3. They say: “I think God is calling me into missions.”
They mean: “The first place God wants me to visit is a land called ‘somwhere you are not.’ I’m leaving tonight. I’m breaking up with you.”
4. They say: “I think God has gifted me with a life of celibacy.”
They mean: “I’ve just dropped the equivalent of a dating atomic bomb. Good luck with all that. I’m breaking up with you.”
5. They say: “I feel like we’ve grown apart.”
They mean: “I represent the word ‘grown,’ you represent, ‘apart,’ as in your falling apart. I’m breaking up with you.”