Eugene Cho

define/dissolve the relationship

Here’s another attempt by Christians to copycat the original…and it has produced Stuff Christians Like.  And there are so many more out there but this one is actually pretty good.  Here’s one of the recent entries from Stuff Christians Like:  #189 [G]DTR as in Define the Relationship or better yet, Dissolve the Relationship. 

You think Christians are timid when it comes to dating?  Umm, they’re really awkward when it comes to breaking up or Dissolving the Relationship because they feel like they have to make it really Spiritual.  Really awkward.  Do you have more to contribute to the list below?

…Those are easy to understand, but the (G)DTR is much more confusing. Most relationships, Christian or not, have a Define The Relationship conversation. That is by no means a uniquely Christian thing to do. It’s that somewhat awkward talk where you try to determine where you are headed, what you are looking for, etc. But it gets all the more complicated when you bring G into it and create the (G)DTR.

The (G)DTR is more complicated than the standard DTR because now in addition to trying to understand your boyfriend’s needs you’ve brought the Creator of the universe into the mix. Now in addition to saying you don’t like that he is playing so much Grand Theft Auto 4 (came out today, that was wicked topical of me to mention it by the way) you have to factor in what Yahweh wants in the relationship. That’s why I have created this handy guide. It translates the things you most often hear in a (G)DTR and tells you what is really being said. Enjoy:

1. They say: “I need to unpack some things and reassess my boundaries.”

They mean: “I’ve secretly gone to counseling and learned some new words that are going to make your head hurt. I’m breaking up with you.”

2. They say: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God.”

They mean: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God and less time with you. I’m breaking up with you.”

3. They say: “I think God is calling me into missions.”

They mean: “The first place God wants me to visit is a land called ‘somwhere you are not.’ I’m leaving tonight. I’m breaking up with you.”

4. They say: “I think God has gifted me with a life of celibacy.”

They mean: “I’ve just dropped the equivalent of a dating atomic bomb. Good luck with all that. I’m breaking up with you.”

5. They say: “I feel like we’ve grown apart.”

They mean: “I represent the word ‘grown,’ you represent, ‘apart,’ as in your falling apart. I’m breaking up with you.”

 

Filed under: entertainment, religion

13 Responses

  1. DK says:

    Not a big fan of Christian copycatting of secular stuff because they usually screw it up but this one is average. Nothing compared to the original Stuff White People Like.

    Favorite Breakup Line: “God told me…”

  2. Jennifer says:

    One of my friends in high school had a boyfriend break up with her this way…

    He said : I was at home, watching the Christmas lights go blink-blink…blink-blink…blink-blink. And I started to think how much “blink-blink” sounds like “break-up” so I knew God was sending me a message through the Christmas lights that we should break up.

  3. beattieblog says:

    I saw this a while back and thought it was pretty good. DK is right about what usually happens. The one on hand clapping is great – as a former Vineyard pastor, this is waaaay true. I will give them props though – he has a very interesting post on why porn is winning – http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/04/173-letting-porn-win.html that touched on some of the work he’s doings. Seems like an interesting guy.

  4. justin says:

    i’ve heard of christian pick-up lines, but not christian break-up lines…

    sounds like an cheap way to shuffle responsibility and blame god… “it’s not you… (it’s not me…) it’s god…”

  5. jessica hong says:

    some of my favorites [that i’ve gleaned from the collective trials and tribulations of many disillusioned fellow single folk]:

    “i think God just wants me to be single in this season of my life.” which can sometimes translate to “i’m not ready to be a grown-up and develop the emotional maturity it takes to care more about someone else’s feelings more than my own.”

    or

    “i think we should be discerning and take it slow.” which can sometimes mean “i don’t want to call you my girlfriend/boyfriend but i’d still like to make-out every now and then. preferably, now.”

  6. Ian says:

    Choosing everything from romantic partners to colleges, young Christians are good at waiting around for galactic marching orders from God (instead of just taking action). “God, you’re the game show host. Which of the three doors do I open? Where’s the prize hiding?”

  7. Jules says:

    There was a jerk in my college years who gave me this monologue:

    “I’m looking for a Proverbs 32 kind of a woman and you’re not person.”

    My response: “It’s actually Proverbs 31 you asshole.”
    And then, I repented.

  8. Jason Douros says:

    I am so glad I’m married. I don’t miss the dating scene one bit. My heart and sympathy goes out to those still wadding through the murky waters….but I tend to agree. Leave God out of your relationship inadequates and dysfunctions and take responsibility for own issues.

    Love the response Jessica…classic.

  9. Jules says:

    Here’s another one: “I really value your friendship.”

    Normal human translation: “I appreciate your friendship but nothing more.”

  10. Rebecca says:

    Oh yes, love the “value your friendship” line. Heard that one.

    The best, and correspondingly, worst, was my ex-boyfriend, who told me that God said we should get married. Then a few months later he said that he didn’t love me enough to marry me, but God wanted us to be together, so I should wait until he was ready.

    Um, no. maybe not.

  11. g says:

    >>He said : I was at home, watching the Christmas lights go blink-blink…blink-blink…blink-blink. And I started to think how much “blink-blink” sounds like “break-up” so I knew God was sending me a message through the Christmas lights that we should break up.

    hahahaha. I almost choked on my food laughing at this.

  12. Melissa says:

    Worse than the Christian breakup lines are the Christian anti-break-up lines.

    I once told a boyfriend that God told me we shouldn’t be together (because He HAD!), and the guy responded: “Well, what if God tells you later on that we should be together again? Shouldn’t we be ready?”

    Sadly, I was so flabbergasted that I did not have an appropriately stinging reply. We broke up anyway.

  13. laurakt says:

    Actually, “I value your friendship” often means something more like, “I really don’t want to see you anymore.” Actually, here’s my personal favorite. I told a guy who was into me just straight up, I’m not interested in you. And he came back with several gems including, “I was just trying to help you, because you seemed lonely.”

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stuff, connect, info

One Day’s Wages

My Instagram

Back safely from Iraq, Lebanon, and Jordan. Thanks for your prayers. 
I have numerous stories to share but for now, the following came up in every conversation with Iraqi/Syrian refugees:

1 Have tea with us. Or coffee. Or juice. Or something with lots of sugar in it. Or better yet, all of the above.
2 We want peace. We want security. 
3 We hate ISIS. 
4 We just want to go home.
5 Please don't forget us.

Please don't forget them... Father, please bless and protect these Iraqi and Syrian "refugee" children that have already endured so much. Protect their hearts and mind from unfathomable trauma. Plant seeds of hope and vision in their lives. And as we pray for them, teach us how to advocate for them. Amen. "We don't call them refugees. We call them relatives. We don't call them camps but centers. Dignity is so important." -  local Iraqi priest whose church has welcomed many "relatives" to their church's property

It's always a privilege to be invited into peoples' home for tea - even if it's a temporary tent. This is an extended Yezidi family that fled the Mosul, Iraq area because of ISIS. It's indeed true that Christians were targeted by ISIS and thatbstory muat be shared but other minority groups like the Yezidis were also targeted. Some of their heartbreaking stories included the kidnapping of their sister. They shared that their father passed away shortly of a "broken heart." The conversation was emotional but afterwards, we asked each other for permission to take photos. Once the selfies came out, the real smiles came out.

So friends: Pray for Iraq. Pray for the persecuted Church. Pray for Christians, minority groups like the Yezidis who fear they will e completely wiped out in the Middle East,, and Muslims alike who are all suffering under ISIS. Friends: I'm traveling in the Middle East this week - Iraq, Lebanon, and Jordan. (Make sure you follow my pics/stories on IG stories). Specifically, I'm here representing @onedayswages to meet, learn, and listen to pastors, local leaders, NGOs, and of course directly from refugees from within these countries - including many from Syria.

For security purposes, I haven't been able to share at all but I'm now able to start sharing some photos and stories. For now, I'll be sharing numerous photos through my IG stories and will be sharing some longer written pieces in couple months when ODW launches another wave of partnerships to come alongside refugees in these areas. Four of us are traveling together also for the purpose of creating a short documentary that we hope to release early next year.

While I'm on my church sabbatical, it's truly a privilege to be able to come to these countries and to meet local pastors and indigenous leaders that tirelessly pursue peace and justice, and to hear directly from refugees. I've read so many various articles and pieces over the years and I thought I was prepared but it has been jarring, heartbreaking,  and gut wrenching. In the midst of such chaos, there's hope but there's also a lot of questions, too.

I hope you follow along as I share photos, stories, and help release this mini-documentary. Please tag friends that might be interested.

Please pray for safety, for empathy, for humility and integrity, for divine meetings. Pray that we listen well; To be present and not just be a consumer of these vulnerable stories. That's my biggest prayer.

Special thanks to @worldvisionusa and @worldrelief for hosting us on this journey. 9/11
Never forget.
And never stop working for peace.

Today, I had some gut wrenching and heart breaking conversations about war, violence, and peacemaking. Mostly, I listened. Never in my wildest imagination did I envision having these conversations on 9/11 of all days. I wish I could share more now but I hope to later after I process them for a few days.

But indeed: Never forget.
And never stop working for peace.
May it be so. Amen. Mount Rainier is simply epic. There's nothing like flying in and out of Seattle.

#mountrainier
#seattle
#northwestisbest

my tweets

  • Boom. Final fishing trip. Grateful. A nice way to end my 3 month sabbatical. #catchandrelease twitter.com/i/web/status/9… || 1 day ago
  • Christians: May we be guided by the Scriptures that remind us, "Seek first the Kingdom of God" and not, "Seek first the kingdom of America." || 1 day ago
  • Every convo with Iraqi/Syrian refugees included: 1 Have tea with us 2 We want peace 3 We hate ISIS 4 We want to go home 5 Don't forget us || 4 days ago
  • Back safely from Iraq, Lebanon, Jordan to assess @OneDaysWages' partnerships & to film mini-documentary on refugee crisis. So many emotions. || 4 days ago
  • Pray for Mexico. For those mourning loved ones. For those fighting for life - even under rubbles. For rescue workers. Lord, in your mercy. || 4 days ago
  • Don't underestimate what God can do through you. God has a very long history of using foolish and broken people for His purposes and glory. || 6 days ago