Eugene Cho

define/dissolve the relationship

Here’s another attempt by Christians to copycat the original…and it has produced Stuff Christians Like.  And there are so many more out there but this one is actually pretty good.  Here’s one of the recent entries from Stuff Christians Like:  #189 [G]DTR as in Define the Relationship or better yet, Dissolve the Relationship. 

You think Christians are timid when it comes to dating?  Umm, they’re really awkward when it comes to breaking up or Dissolving the Relationship because they feel like they have to make it really Spiritual.  Really awkward.  Do you have more to contribute to the list below?

…Those are easy to understand, but the (G)DTR is much more confusing. Most relationships, Christian or not, have a Define The Relationship conversation. That is by no means a uniquely Christian thing to do. It’s that somewhat awkward talk where you try to determine where you are headed, what you are looking for, etc. But it gets all the more complicated when you bring G into it and create the (G)DTR.

The (G)DTR is more complicated than the standard DTR because now in addition to trying to understand your boyfriend’s needs you’ve brought the Creator of the universe into the mix. Now in addition to saying you don’t like that he is playing so much Grand Theft Auto 4 (came out today, that was wicked topical of me to mention it by the way) you have to factor in what Yahweh wants in the relationship. That’s why I have created this handy guide. It translates the things you most often hear in a (G)DTR and tells you what is really being said. Enjoy:

1. They say: “I need to unpack some things and reassess my boundaries.”

They mean: “I’ve secretly gone to counseling and learned some new words that are going to make your head hurt. I’m breaking up with you.”

2. They say: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God.”

They mean: “I feel that I need to spend more time with God and less time with you. I’m breaking up with you.”

3. They say: “I think God is calling me into missions.”

They mean: “The first place God wants me to visit is a land called ‘somwhere you are not.’ I’m leaving tonight. I’m breaking up with you.”

4. They say: “I think God has gifted me with a life of celibacy.”

They mean: “I’ve just dropped the equivalent of a dating atomic bomb. Good luck with all that. I’m breaking up with you.”

5. They say: “I feel like we’ve grown apart.”

They mean: “I represent the word ‘grown,’ you represent, ‘apart,’ as in your falling apart. I’m breaking up with you.”

 

Filed under: entertainment, religion

13 Responses

  1. DK says:

    Not a big fan of Christian copycatting of secular stuff because they usually screw it up but this one is average. Nothing compared to the original Stuff White People Like.

    Favorite Breakup Line: “God told me…”

  2. Jennifer says:

    One of my friends in high school had a boyfriend break up with her this way…

    He said : I was at home, watching the Christmas lights go blink-blink…blink-blink…blink-blink. And I started to think how much “blink-blink” sounds like “break-up” so I knew God was sending me a message through the Christmas lights that we should break up.

  3. beattieblog says:

    I saw this a while back and thought it was pretty good. DK is right about what usually happens. The one on hand clapping is great – as a former Vineyard pastor, this is waaaay true. I will give them props though – he has a very interesting post on why porn is winning – http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/04/173-letting-porn-win.html that touched on some of the work he’s doings. Seems like an interesting guy.

  4. justin says:

    i’ve heard of christian pick-up lines, but not christian break-up lines…

    sounds like an cheap way to shuffle responsibility and blame god… “it’s not you… (it’s not me…) it’s god…”

  5. jessica hong says:

    some of my favorites [that i’ve gleaned from the collective trials and tribulations of many disillusioned fellow single folk]:

    “i think God just wants me to be single in this season of my life.” which can sometimes translate to “i’m not ready to be a grown-up and develop the emotional maturity it takes to care more about someone else’s feelings more than my own.”

    or

    “i think we should be discerning and take it slow.” which can sometimes mean “i don’t want to call you my girlfriend/boyfriend but i’d still like to make-out every now and then. preferably, now.”

  6. Ian says:

    Choosing everything from romantic partners to colleges, young Christians are good at waiting around for galactic marching orders from God (instead of just taking action). “God, you’re the game show host. Which of the three doors do I open? Where’s the prize hiding?”

  7. Jules says:

    There was a jerk in my college years who gave me this monologue:

    “I’m looking for a Proverbs 32 kind of a woman and you’re not person.”

    My response: “It’s actually Proverbs 31 you asshole.”
    And then, I repented.

  8. Jason Douros says:

    I am so glad I’m married. I don’t miss the dating scene one bit. My heart and sympathy goes out to those still wadding through the murky waters….but I tend to agree. Leave God out of your relationship inadequates and dysfunctions and take responsibility for own issues.

    Love the response Jessica…classic.

  9. Jules says:

    Here’s another one: “I really value your friendship.”

    Normal human translation: “I appreciate your friendship but nothing more.”

  10. Rebecca says:

    Oh yes, love the “value your friendship” line. Heard that one.

    The best, and correspondingly, worst, was my ex-boyfriend, who told me that God said we should get married. Then a few months later he said that he didn’t love me enough to marry me, but God wanted us to be together, so I should wait until he was ready.

    Um, no. maybe not.

  11. g says:

    >>He said : I was at home, watching the Christmas lights go blink-blink…blink-blink…blink-blink. And I started to think how much “blink-blink” sounds like “break-up” so I knew God was sending me a message through the Christmas lights that we should break up.

    hahahaha. I almost choked on my food laughing at this.

  12. Melissa says:

    Worse than the Christian breakup lines are the Christian anti-break-up lines.

    I once told a boyfriend that God told me we shouldn’t be together (because He HAD!), and the guy responded: “Well, what if God tells you later on that we should be together again? Shouldn’t we be ready?”

    Sadly, I was so flabbergasted that I did not have an appropriately stinging reply. We broke up anyway.

  13. laurakt says:

    Actually, “I value your friendship” often means something more like, “I really don’t want to see you anymore.” Actually, here’s my personal favorite. I told a guy who was into me just straight up, I’m not interested in you. And he came back with several gems including, “I was just trying to help you, because you seemed lonely.”

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As I soaked in this breathtaking sunrise this morning above the clouds, I felt compelled to pray for so my places in America and around the world that are experiencing such pain, heartache, injustice, and violence. At times, it feels so overwhelming but in prayer, I was reminded of these words from John 16:33. As we keep striving, working, hoping, preaching, loving, truthtelling, reconciling, repenting, forgiving, dismantling, peacemaking, Kingdom building...may we fix our eyes on Christ: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 Grateful for a very full weekend of ministry and preaching in Toronto, Canada (GTA). Such a privilege to partner with @worldvisioncan @wvcollective to advocate for the most vulnerable around the world. God is so gracious. A true honor to meet and encourage local pastors, lecture at Tyndale University & Seminary (photo), and preach at Richmond Hills Community Church, Compass Point Bible Church, and New City Church. Thank you, Lord, that you use broken and imperfect people like me to speak of Your love. Today, Minhee and I dropped off our eldest child at her college. We have been thinking and praying about this day for many years. On some days, we hoped it would never come. On other days, we couldn't wait for it to come. On some days, we prayed for time to stop and other days, we prayed with anticipation. 
After an entire summer of laughing it off, it hit us...hard...this week. Seeing all of her stuff laid out on the basement floor was the catalyst to a load of emotions.

After unloading the car and taking her stuff to her new home for this year and mindful that she might never live with us again; helping sort out her stuff, saying hello to her roommates...I wasn't sure what to do or say.

A flood of thoughts rushed my mind.

Is she ready?
Have we done enough?
Have we taught her enough? 
What if this? What if that?

And so we shared what we have shared with her the moment she began to understand words: "Remember who you are. Remember WHO you belong to. Remember what you're about. God loves you so much. Please hold God's Word and His promises close and dear to your heart. We love you so much and we are so proud of you." And with that, we said goodbye. Even if she may not be thousands of miles away, this is a new chapter for her and even for us. I kept it composed. Her roommate was staring at me. I didn't want to be that father. I have street cred to uphold. Another final hug. 
And I came home.
And I wept.
Forget my street cred.
I miss her. I love her.
She will always be my little baby.

I'm no parenting guru. I just laughed as I wrote that line. No, I'm stumbling and bumbling along but I'd love to share an ephiphany I learned not that long ago. Coming to this realization was incredibly painful but simultaneously, liberating. To be honest, it was the ultimate game-changer in my understanding as a parent seeking after the heart of God.

While there are many methods, tools, philosophies, and biblical principles to parenting, there is – in my opinion – only one purpose or destination.

Our purpose as parents is to eventually…release them. Send forth. For His glory. Met a friend and fellow pastor who I haven't seen in over 20 years. In him, I saw a glimpse of my future. While only 10 years older, his kids are married and he's now a grandfather of 3. His love for his wife and family were so evident and his passion for the Gospel has not wavered. It was so good to see someone a bit older still passionately serving the Lord with such joy and faithfulness. Lord, help me to keep running the race for your Glory. Happy wife.
Happy life. - Eugenius 3:16

I still remember that time, many years ago, when Minhee was pregnant with our first child. She had left her family and friends in Korea just two years before. Her morning sickness was horrible and when she finally had an appetite, she craved her favorite Korean food from certain restaurants in her neighborhood in Seoul, Korea. I had no way of getting that food from those restaurants so I actually said, "How about a Whopper? Big Mac?" Sorry honey. Eat away. You deserve it. I don't care if it sounds mushy but sunsets are one of my love languages. Seoul, Korea was amazing but WOW...what a breathtaking welcome back sunset by Seattle. Not ready to let go of summer.

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