Eugene Cho

child [car wash] abuse?

As a parent, I believe in the commitment and importance of [lovingly but firmly disciplining your children.  As a parent of three, what you believe in your heart and on paper doesn’t always translate in real life.  And I confess that it’s easy to lose control of your emotions.  I absolutely hate when I allow myself to be in that situation.  There is no excuse.  

So, I do understand when other parents get frustrated but there are certain lines you cannot cross and this is one of them.  No matter how frustrated you get, you cannot hose down your child with a high pressure car washer hose.  The mother said she did it because the child was throwing a tantrum and that the hose wasn’t on full blast and that “it isn’t as bad as it looks.”  Umm, it looks really bad.

You can view the entire surveillance footage here.

Security cameras caught a strange case of child abuse in a car wash bay at the Magical Car Wash in Orlando. They show a woman spraying a toddler with a high pressure hose while another woman watches. The footage shows the toddler attempt to run away, but she is grabbed and pinned to the wall as she is prayed on the legs, back and even her face. The manager of the car wash didn’t see the abuse until she watched the footage, but she did hear the little girl crying after the incident. She also heard the woman state, “You’re going to learn to respect me. You don’t treat me bad. You don’t mistreat me; I’m your mother.” Footage also shows the girl being stripped naked, while the two women grabbed a towel and put her back in the car. Once investigators locate the women, they said the mother will likely face child abuse charges.

Is this child abuse? Clearly.  What would Judge Judy say?  I don’t know but I don’t want to crucify the mother.  She’s already received plenty of ‘shame’ with this video so my suggestions would be: No jail time but in depth counseling and care for both the child and mother [and father] to ensure that nothing like this ever happens again.  Mother is currently pregnant with 2nd child. 

Last week, the visual parenting advice seemed funny.  Now, not so funny.

baby2.jpg

 

 

Filed under: family

12 Responses

  1. Capt Ralph says:

    Please, I can only hope and assume it was NOT on high. There are multliple settings. Things aren’t always as they seem, and I want to think best.

  2. Andrea says:

    Sadly this does not shock me anymore. Parents very rarely face any criminal charges for child abuse. Maybe if they did it would occur less frequently.

  3. Leah says:

    Oh – by the title, I feared you may be referring to me: my three-year-old breaks down in tears every time I go through the car wash. He has finally compensated by throwing a blanket over his head, closing his eyes, holding his stuffed puppy, and holding his big brother’s hand….but sometimes one of the above is unavailable and unsatisfactory.

    Sometimes the only time to get my van washed is when I have the kids…so I do it. My son recovers quickly, but I still feel a bit guilty.

    …I couldn’t even watch the video. Stuff like that is so piercing. Because of the cruelty of it, and also because I know deep down, the line dividing me from that mom is so very very thin.

  4. dennis says:

    I actually think the person should spend time in jail. Why? What if something happened to the little girl? That would be a crime, right? While it wasn’t her intent to hurt her daughter, the possibility was there.

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/354205_babydeath08.html

    This is an example. No one shakes their infant/child to hurt them but it nevertheless is possible and there should be consequences.

  5. Melissa says:

    A problem with ‘consequences’ for child abuse is what to do with children when you incarcerate their parents. Foster care is often severely lacking, sometimes even worse than the original situation. Taking a child out of their birth family is the worst, last option possible. This case may be bad enough to warrant that, but if it is, the threat of jail time wouldn’t have prevented it. Child abuse happens when families are sick, and parents with those kinds of issues aren’t able to stop just because someone threatens to send them to jail.

    A family showing behavior like that is a family in trouble. The mother needs counseling, and the girl needs a mother who is healthy and whole.

  6. Ben says:

    i can’t get myself to watch it

  7. Ryanbd says:

    Yeah, I’m with Ben. I can’t watch this garbage. My experience in working with kids who’ve been abused and their parents is that if this is what happens in public, worse stuff happens when no one can see. I pray that woman is shocked by seeing herself like this and realizes she needs help. I also am always a little disturbed when television news decides to air the actual footage. Maybe I’m cynical about motives but I always remember the newsroom quote, “If it bleeds, it leads.”

  8. MJ says:

    I think this is a case where it looks much worse than it probably is. Anybody who has been to one of those car washes, know how powerful the high pressure is. I can’t even hold the hose steady with one arm. But I also know that they have a very low pressure mist function. The women’s arm doesn’t move, the spray is extremely dispersed, and of course her own account backs up that she was using the low pressure (and checks it on her hand first to make sure before spraying her child). While I don’t think spraying a child is a good discipline technique, that low pressure mist isn’t going to cause any physical harm, so I don’t think it is child abuse. Just bad judgment.

  9. darrell williams says:

    Child abuse or not?
    This is not the way to teach a child how to mind.It is however how to teach it to become a abuser .
    She said “you will not treat me bad” what is spraying a child with a car wash hose called,good treatment.
    Most likely not the first time the child has been disciplined in the wrong manner.
    It is a case of child abuse,what happens when this child is at home?
    If we were able to use our own method of calming someone out of control, some one walking by seeing a woman spraying a child with a car wash hose and say they are out of control.Well I use a open hand slap to the face and then I choke them until I decide they are no longer out of control.
    She said she was using the hose to gain control—fair is fair.

  10. Meghan says:

    To the mom’s credit, she called the police after she saw the footage on TV so that’s a good thing. But regardless, while we’re arguing the technicalities if this was child abuse or not, this SHOULD NOT have happened. Period.

  11. Meghan says:

    Here’s the article that states that she was charged for child abuse and released on $1000 bail.

    http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4427690&page=1

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One Day’s Wages

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Back safely from Iraq, Lebanon, and Jordan. Thanks for your prayers. 
I have numerous stories to share but for now, the following came up in every conversation with Iraqi/Syrian refugees:

1 Have tea with us. Or coffee. Or juice. Or something with lots of sugar in it. Or better yet, all of the above.
2 We want peace. We want security. 
3 We hate ISIS. 
4 We just want to go home.
5 Please don't forget us.

Please don't forget them... Father, please bless and protect these Iraqi and Syrian "refugee" children that have already endured so much. Protect their hearts and mind from unfathomable trauma. Plant seeds of hope and vision in their lives. And as we pray for them, teach us how to advocate for them. Amen. "We don't call them refugees. We call them relatives. We don't call them camps but centers. Dignity is so important." -  local Iraqi priest whose church has welcomed many "relatives" to their church's property

It's always a privilege to be invited into peoples' home for tea - even if it's a temporary tent. This is an extended Yezidi family that fled the Mosul, Iraq area because of ISIS. It's indeed true that Christians were targeted by ISIS and thatbstory muat be shared but other minority groups like the Yezidis were also targeted. Some of their heartbreaking stories included the kidnapping of their sister. They shared that their father passed away shortly of a "broken heart." The conversation was emotional but afterwards, we asked each other for permission to take photos. Once the selfies came out, the real smiles came out.

So friends: Pray for Iraq. Pray for the persecuted Church. Pray for Christians, minority groups like the Yezidis who fear they will e completely wiped out in the Middle East,, and Muslims alike who are all suffering under ISIS. Friends: I'm traveling in the Middle East this week - Iraq, Lebanon, and Jordan. (Make sure you follow my pics/stories on IG stories). Specifically, I'm here representing @onedayswages to meet, learn, and listen to pastors, local leaders, NGOs, and of course directly from refugees from within these countries - including many from Syria.

For security purposes, I haven't been able to share at all but I'm now able to start sharing some photos and stories. For now, I'll be sharing numerous photos through my IG stories and will be sharing some longer written pieces in couple months when ODW launches another wave of partnerships to come alongside refugees in these areas. Four of us are traveling together also for the purpose of creating a short documentary that we hope to release early next year.

While I'm on my church sabbatical, it's truly a privilege to be able to come to these countries and to meet local pastors and indigenous leaders that tirelessly pursue peace and justice, and to hear directly from refugees. I've read so many various articles and pieces over the years and I thought I was prepared but it has been jarring, heartbreaking,  and gut wrenching. In the midst of such chaos, there's hope but there's also a lot of questions, too.

I hope you follow along as I share photos, stories, and help release this mini-documentary. Please tag friends that might be interested.

Please pray for safety, for empathy, for humility and integrity, for divine meetings. Pray that we listen well; To be present and not just be a consumer of these vulnerable stories. That's my biggest prayer.

Special thanks to @worldvisionusa and @worldrelief for hosting us on this journey. 9/11
Never forget.
And never stop working for peace.

Today, I had some gut wrenching and heart breaking conversations about war, violence, and peacemaking. Mostly, I listened. Never in my wildest imagination did I envision having these conversations on 9/11 of all days. I wish I could share more now but I hope to later after I process them for a few days.

But indeed: Never forget.
And never stop working for peace.
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