Eugene Cho

child [car wash] abuse?

As a parent, I believe in the commitment and importance of [lovingly but firmly disciplining your children.  As a parent of three, what you believe in your heart and on paper doesn’t always translate in real life.  And I confess that it’s easy to lose control of your emotions.  I absolutely hate when I allow myself to be in that situation.  There is no excuse.  

So, I do understand when other parents get frustrated but there are certain lines you cannot cross and this is one of them.  No matter how frustrated you get, you cannot hose down your child with a high pressure car washer hose.  The mother said she did it because the child was throwing a tantrum and that the hose wasn’t on full blast and that “it isn’t as bad as it looks.”  Umm, it looks really bad.

You can view the entire surveillance footage here.

Security cameras caught a strange case of child abuse in a car wash bay at the Magical Car Wash in Orlando. They show a woman spraying a toddler with a high pressure hose while another woman watches. The footage shows the toddler attempt to run away, but she is grabbed and pinned to the wall as she is prayed on the legs, back and even her face. The manager of the car wash didn’t see the abuse until she watched the footage, but she did hear the little girl crying after the incident. She also heard the woman state, “You’re going to learn to respect me. You don’t treat me bad. You don’t mistreat me; I’m your mother.” Footage also shows the girl being stripped naked, while the two women grabbed a towel and put her back in the car. Once investigators locate the women, they said the mother will likely face child abuse charges.

Is this child abuse? Clearly.  What would Judge Judy say?  I don’t know but I don’t want to crucify the mother.  She’s already received plenty of ‘shame’ with this video so my suggestions would be: No jail time but in depth counseling and care for both the child and mother [and father] to ensure that nothing like this ever happens again.  Mother is currently pregnant with 2nd child. 

Last week, the visual parenting advice seemed funny.  Now, not so funny.

baby2.jpg

 

 

Filed under: family

12 Responses

  1. Capt Ralph says:

    Please, I can only hope and assume it was NOT on high. There are multliple settings. Things aren’t always as they seem, and I want to think best.

  2. Andrea says:

    Sadly this does not shock me anymore. Parents very rarely face any criminal charges for child abuse. Maybe if they did it would occur less frequently.

  3. Leah says:

    Oh – by the title, I feared you may be referring to me: my three-year-old breaks down in tears every time I go through the car wash. He has finally compensated by throwing a blanket over his head, closing his eyes, holding his stuffed puppy, and holding his big brother’s hand….but sometimes one of the above is unavailable and unsatisfactory.

    Sometimes the only time to get my van washed is when I have the kids…so I do it. My son recovers quickly, but I still feel a bit guilty.

    …I couldn’t even watch the video. Stuff like that is so piercing. Because of the cruelty of it, and also because I know deep down, the line dividing me from that mom is so very very thin.

  4. dennis says:

    I actually think the person should spend time in jail. Why? What if something happened to the little girl? That would be a crime, right? While it wasn’t her intent to hurt her daughter, the possibility was there.

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/354205_babydeath08.html

    This is an example. No one shakes their infant/child to hurt them but it nevertheless is possible and there should be consequences.

  5. Melissa says:

    A problem with ‘consequences’ for child abuse is what to do with children when you incarcerate their parents. Foster care is often severely lacking, sometimes even worse than the original situation. Taking a child out of their birth family is the worst, last option possible. This case may be bad enough to warrant that, but if it is, the threat of jail time wouldn’t have prevented it. Child abuse happens when families are sick, and parents with those kinds of issues aren’t able to stop just because someone threatens to send them to jail.

    A family showing behavior like that is a family in trouble. The mother needs counseling, and the girl needs a mother who is healthy and whole.

  6. Ben says:

    i can’t get myself to watch it

  7. Ryanbd says:

    Yeah, I’m with Ben. I can’t watch this garbage. My experience in working with kids who’ve been abused and their parents is that if this is what happens in public, worse stuff happens when no one can see. I pray that woman is shocked by seeing herself like this and realizes she needs help. I also am always a little disturbed when television news decides to air the actual footage. Maybe I’m cynical about motives but I always remember the newsroom quote, “If it bleeds, it leads.”

  8. MJ says:

    I think this is a case where it looks much worse than it probably is. Anybody who has been to one of those car washes, know how powerful the high pressure is. I can’t even hold the hose steady with one arm. But I also know that they have a very low pressure mist function. The women’s arm doesn’t move, the spray is extremely dispersed, and of course her own account backs up that she was using the low pressure (and checks it on her hand first to make sure before spraying her child). While I don’t think spraying a child is a good discipline technique, that low pressure mist isn’t going to cause any physical harm, so I don’t think it is child abuse. Just bad judgment.

  9. darrell williams says:

    Child abuse or not?
    This is not the way to teach a child how to mind.It is however how to teach it to become a abuser .
    She said “you will not treat me bad” what is spraying a child with a car wash hose called,good treatment.
    Most likely not the first time the child has been disciplined in the wrong manner.
    It is a case of child abuse,what happens when this child is at home?
    If we were able to use our own method of calming someone out of control, some one walking by seeing a woman spraying a child with a car wash hose and say they are out of control.Well I use a open hand slap to the face and then I choke them until I decide they are no longer out of control.
    She said she was using the hose to gain control—fair is fair.

  10. Meghan says:

    To the mom’s credit, she called the police after she saw the footage on TV so that’s a good thing. But regardless, while we’re arguing the technicalities if this was child abuse or not, this SHOULD NOT have happened. Period.

  11. Meghan says:

    Here’s the article that states that she was charged for child abuse and released on $1000 bail.

    http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4427690&page=1

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One Day’s Wages

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As I soaked in this breathtaking sunrise this morning above the clouds, I felt compelled to pray for so my places in America and around the world that are experiencing such pain, heartache, injustice, and violence. At times, it feels so overwhelming but in prayer, I was reminded of these words from John 16:33. As we keep striving, working, hoping, preaching, loving, truthtelling, reconciling, repenting, forgiving, dismantling, peacemaking, Kingdom building...may we fix our eyes on Christ: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 Grateful for a very full weekend of ministry and preaching in Toronto, Canada (GTA). Such a privilege to partner with @worldvisioncan @wvcollective to advocate for the most vulnerable around the world. God is so gracious. A true honor to meet and encourage local pastors, lecture at Tyndale University & Seminary (photo), and preach at Richmond Hills Community Church, Compass Point Bible Church, and New City Church. Thank you, Lord, that you use broken and imperfect people like me to speak of Your love. Today, Minhee and I dropped off our eldest child at her college. We have been thinking and praying about this day for many years. On some days, we hoped it would never come. On other days, we couldn't wait for it to come. On some days, we prayed for time to stop and other days, we prayed with anticipation. 
After an entire summer of laughing it off, it hit us...hard...this week. Seeing all of her stuff laid out on the basement floor was the catalyst to a load of emotions.

After unloading the car and taking her stuff to her new home for this year and mindful that she might never live with us again; helping sort out her stuff, saying hello to her roommates...I wasn't sure what to do or say.

A flood of thoughts rushed my mind.

Is she ready?
Have we done enough?
Have we taught her enough? 
What if this? What if that?

And so we shared what we have shared with her the moment she began to understand words: "Remember who you are. Remember WHO you belong to. Remember what you're about. God loves you so much. Please hold God's Word and His promises close and dear to your heart. We love you so much and we are so proud of you." And with that, we said goodbye. Even if she may not be thousands of miles away, this is a new chapter for her and even for us. I kept it composed. Her roommate was staring at me. I didn't want to be that father. I have street cred to uphold. Another final hug. 
And I came home.
And I wept.
Forget my street cred.
I miss her. I love her.
She will always be my little baby.

I'm no parenting guru. I just laughed as I wrote that line. No, I'm stumbling and bumbling along but I'd love to share an ephiphany I learned not that long ago. Coming to this realization was incredibly painful but simultaneously, liberating. To be honest, it was the ultimate game-changer in my understanding as a parent seeking after the heart of God.

While there are many methods, tools, philosophies, and biblical principles to parenting, there is – in my opinion – only one purpose or destination.

Our purpose as parents is to eventually…release them. Send forth. For His glory. Met a friend and fellow pastor who I haven't seen in over 20 years. In him, I saw a glimpse of my future. While only 10 years older, his kids are married and he's now a grandfather of 3. His love for his wife and family were so evident and his passion for the Gospel has not wavered. It was so good to see someone a bit older still passionately serving the Lord with such joy and faithfulness. Lord, help me to keep running the race for your Glory. Happy wife.
Happy life. - Eugenius 3:16

I still remember that time, many years ago, when Minhee was pregnant with our first child. She had left her family and friends in Korea just two years before. Her morning sickness was horrible and when she finally had an appetite, she craved her favorite Korean food from certain restaurants in her neighborhood in Seoul, Korea. I had no way of getting that food from those restaurants so I actually said, "How about a Whopper? Big Mac?" Sorry honey. Eat away. You deserve it. I don't care if it sounds mushy but sunsets are one of my love languages. Seoul, Korea was amazing but WOW...what a breathtaking welcome back sunset by Seattle. Not ready to let go of summer.

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