Eugene Cho

father’s day tribute

Happy Father’s Day to each of you.  My parents who live in San Francisco visited us last week.  We very much enjoyed our time and we were immensely excited to hear the news they shared with us:  they’ve decided to move to Seattle in the coming year.  After years of inviting, encouraging, and enticing, it appears our efforts will come to fruition…

From this past Sunday’s Seattle Times paper, I enjoyed reading a feature story entitled “The Heart of It: From His Dad’s Death, a Son Searches for the Meaning of Life.”  The story is written by Michael Ko who also happens to attend Quest.  He leads a community group with his wife, Liz.  I was privileged to be able to officiate their wedding about a year ago…

michaelko.jpg

Couple years ago when I attended Michael’s father’s funeral, it dawned on me that his father, Hi Sun Ko, was one of the first people I met in Seattle [couple years before I met Michael].  My wife and I flew out to Seattle in March 1997 to interview for a position at a Korean-American church in Lynnwood.  By coincidence, his father was on the interview committee.  This is a very well written story about Mike’s relationship with his father – then and now; there was much in this article that resonated with me.  Here’s a short excerpt from the article:

The night my father died, an older Korean man, a family friend, told me not to cry in front of my mother. He said my first job was to take care of her, and after the funeral, I should find someplace private and cry then.

That Korean male detachment again.

I know I have some of it, too. Maybe that’s why I clamp up.

But I also know I want to be different from my father in that way. I don’t want to bottle up my feelings until they become toxic.

I sought counseling after his death, thinking it might help locate the feelings I was sure I had.

Some of those sessions, along with a firmer grounding in my family and faith, and abundant grace and patience from my wife — who lost her own mother to cancer — have given voice to some of those feelings.

I feel sadness and regret — that I didn’t know my father as well as I should have.

I feel fear — that I, too, might die early.

I feel confusion — about why he made some of the choices he made, and also that I’m understanding and explaining him wrong.

I feel weird — that I can’t stop wearing his ratty brown jacket that’s too short in the arms.

I feel grateful — that he moved his wife and children to another country, and despite all the obstacles, did what he could to feed us, keep us safe, buy us toys and somehow build a new life for us. I feel like I have a solid foundation for making my own decisions and being responsible for my own successes and failures.

I feel proud — that he lived a rich life, full of successes and mistakes and daring. Maybe there were times he wished for more, but my guess is that he was in the end satisfied. In his 50s, he would sometimes walk around our water-view house in Mukilteo — one result of my parents’ dry-cleaning toil — and say life was OK.

And I feel acceptance of our relationship — that any profound meaning in what transpired between us will become clear in its own time, not in mine, and that the tension in my chest will loosen, as it has been, as the days pass. [read the full story]

For those interested, here’s another article written in the NY Times by a Korean-American novelist about his relationship with his father.

Filed under: asian-american, family, seattle

6 Responses

  1. james says:

    wow. what an incredible article. i loved the way michael gave an honest perspective of his relationship with his father. reminds me to spend some quality time with my father.

  2. Joseon says:

    That’s cool how you wanted your parents to live closer to you. Blessings to you and your parents on the move.

  3. Wayne Park says:

    great articles; congrats on parents moving up.. I’ve been trying to get my parents out here, too..

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One Day’s Wages

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Made it to 47 years old this psst week. Grateful for God's grace and all those who believed in me, prayed for me, encouraged me, invested in me, forgave me, fed me, loved me, and _____ me.

I've come a long way since my first school picture  at the age of 6 - the age I immigrated to the United States. And long way to go. You can do it, sun. Break through the clouds. I love her. Saturday morning date at Pike Market with @minheejcho. Enjoying the final day of sun before 6 months of rain and gray. Not lol'ing. Some of my moat memorable travels have been to Myanmar (otherwise known as Burma). In fact, the vision of @onedayswages began on my first visit to this country in 2006. On a recent visit, I began learning about the Rohingya people. Sadly, it has escalated to horrendous, genocidal proportions.

Thus far, about 500,000 people have been driven out from Myanmar through violence...with most going to Bangledesh...regulated to a massive refugee camp. Stateless. Undocumented. Minority groups. Dehumanized. Homes and villages destroyed. And so much more unspeakable atrocities.

Yes, it's complex and messy. It always is. But the root of this injustice as the case for so much brokeness in the world is the sin of dehumanizing one anotber as..."the other." May we see each person, including the Rohingya people, as one who is created in the image of God. It's the truth and the remedy to the incessant dehumanization that goes on in our world.

Lord, in your mercy. The obedience of discipleship which includes the work of justice is a marathon. It's long, arduous, and emotional. Be tenacious. But also take care of yourself. Create healthy rhythms. Don't burn out. We need you for the marathon. Friends, don't give up. Press on. In the midst of so much chaos in the world, may we continue to cling to the hope of the whole Gospel. May we cling unto Jesus:

Way maker!
Miracle worker!
Promise keeper!
Light in the darkness!
That is who You are!

What an encounter with the Holy Spirit at @seattlequest today. Grateful for our worship team, the gospel choir, and the Audio/Visual team. Thank you Matt, Teresita, and Chris. Please thank all the volunteers for us.

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