Eugene Cho

i messed up today…

It’s 12:36am right now.

I’m doing a little work and getting ready to hit the sack but also taking some time to reflect on the past day. It wasn’t one of my better days…

Today, I messed up.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I sucked as a father today.

In short,

I wasn’t present. I wasn’t fully here.

Today, I messed up.

I had a tough day and I brought it all home but  the kids showed me immense grace today. They listened to my excuses and embraced me.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and it’ll be a new day and another opportunity to live in God’s grace, hope, and love.

How about you? How was [is] your day?

I’m going to sleep, wake up, and live into this:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:21-23

Filed under: family

10 Responses

  1. Dear Eugene,
    My dad sucked as a father for the entirety of my childhood, and he didn’t ever acknowledge it. He’s spent the past 15 years trying to make up for it. You are lightyears ahead of where he was when I was a kid if you can admit it and accept their grace. and what great children you’ve raised that they extend it.

    My day has been hard. I am trying to continue to see God in where I’m at in life, but it’s not easy. I am clinging to him and unable to see him. When I get on the other side of this mountain, it’s gonna be awesome.

  2. Mike Worley says:

    Sometimes God’s grace is scene in the most unexpected areas in life….Oh how humbling it is to taste the Grace of the cross from those you are leading, especially one’s own kids.
    My dad was also a pastor growing up and unlike most PK’s I saw my Dad live a transparant life to his flock AND his family. Keep pressing Eugene for I vividly remember how my dad reacted in all those situations, as he lived out the Gospel….It’s those images that helped me grow up into Christ…..Keep pressing…..

  3. Jesse schroeder says:

    thanks so much for sharing this. This past week I had two really bad days and I hurt my family a lot. The recovery process is hard but it helps to know that other people struggle at times too. Thanks for your honesty and the verse. Its a good one I often forget.

  4. Ann FR says:

    Thank you, Eugene, for reminding us that the journey is undertaken through the humility of love, confession, forgiveness and grace. What a gift your children have given you in letting go & giving grace & what a gift you’ve given your children in confessing & honoring the Lord!

    I recall my last conversation w/ my father before he died. The Holy Spirit enabled me to say to him, “Dad, I’ve been blessed to have you as my father.” He wept. He was a harsh father, a poor grandfather, and an awful husband. But, when I said those words, the grace of God poured through me in a flood, and I knew the message in every fiber of my being that God’s love is so powerful and victorious that God will indeed bless us through very imperfect people. If we’re waiting to be blessed only through perfect people, well…it’s just not going to happen. Confessing, giving grace and letting go of the messed-up-ness of ourselves & each other are integral to picking up our crosses & following Jesus each day. You’re a pastor of the Good Shepherd!

  5. Jin says:

    I had one of the worst days since coming to Seattle…. but i have such a wonderful wife that listens, understands, and reminds me of God’s grace in our life, and His plans for us. I woke up this morning a new person in so many ways, Man, that verse in Lamentations is so so so true. Thanks for sharing that.

  6. your friend says:

    We had severe flooding in this part of the world and through your sharing I was reminded to give grace to myself :-) because I am usually hard on myself.

    I was tired and all spent because I carried five thousand litres of muddy water to the street (to prevent more flooding)

    And then I made a hate-speech: I hate this weather! I hate my back pain… You know that type of speech.

    It did not make me feel better, of course. Only God’s grace that I took in, after reading your blog.

    Thank you.

  7. Marty says:

    Fellowship is wonderful and God’s grace abundant. In reading the above responses, you are in God’s fellowship, the good the bad and sometimes ugly… God uses it all, sometimes to my own embarasement(pride)AND our children need to see what a heart felt appology looks like and what it’s like to minister… don’t you think?

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One Day’s Wages

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The Western Wall in Old City of Jerusalem (aka The Wailing Wall) - from the Second Jewish Temple.

I'm hoping to share a few stories of people that I met (Jewish, Muslims, and Christians) in the Holy Land in the days to come. One of our Palestinian tour guides said to me, "You will leave with more questions...and that's a good thing." He was absolutely right. We want everything so nicely packaged but if we're honest, it's very rare in a broken, complex world...and I can't think of too many things more complex than the situation in Israel and Palestine.

While I certainly understand and resonate with Israel and its history and its need to protect itself from harm, one can't deny the history and existence of Palestine as well. 
Is peace possible? This was the focus of my trip to the Holy learn more about the conflict and those that are working towards peace. My friend, Scott (and other pastor), Mae (our guide) and I had the privilege of going to a Jewish synagogue this past Friday. We were then hosted by a local rabbi and his family for a Shabbat meal. It was marvelous. Incredible. Illuminating. Delicious. A true honor to be invited to his home with his wife and three children. To pray, learn, share, and ask questions. 
What I loved the most was the story of how Rabbi Daniel and his wife rented a bus to take 15 of their friends to the West Bank ... to see for themselves the impact of the wall and the Israeli policies. Some of their friends had never even entered the West Bank...don't personally know a Palestinian. It's impossible to work towards peace when we don't know anyone from the other side...when we don't understand the other side.

Thank you, Rabbi Daniel. Old Jerusalem. So many stories. So much history. The synagogue in Capernaum (Galilee) where Jesus began his public ministry. He taught with authority... Pray for your pastors and teachers...that they may teach with courage, conviction, humility, and ultimately, directing people to Christ - the Word made flesh.

Speaking of, so excited to be teaching at @Quest Church tomorrow. If you're in the Seattle area, join us. A glimpse of Jordan River where John baptized Jesus. "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." What amazes me most about this event is about...timing and patience. For Christ, it wasn't about "if" but about "when." In a world of supersonic pace,  impatience, quick results, hurry and now and NOW...Jesus waited for the Father's timing. He was patient and faithful. I need to learn that waiting on the Lord in itself isn't apathy but rather an act of faith. The town of Bethlehem and at the site of the cave (aka manger) of the birth of Christ.

One of the highlights was a class of Palestinian Muslims and Christian kids in a local public school singing a Christmas carol for us in Bethlehem...just across the Shepherd's Field. Galilee. Surreal to be at the mountainside where Jesus delivered "The Sermon on the Mount" ... aka The Beatitudes. Walking around praying for Paris, Beirut, Istanbul, Nigeria, Mali, Palestine/Israel... This verse is so particularly important in light of all the violence in the world. "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God." - Matthew 5:9

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